I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
