Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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