Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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