i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
