My hand turned me down
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize