i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
