went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
