Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
