I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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