we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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