There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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