are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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