We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
