I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
