hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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