Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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