They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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