the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
