i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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