Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
