i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
