I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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