He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
