the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
