It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
