If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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