imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
