walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
