i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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