like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
do herpes really smell.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize