Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
