Where did you get a picture of my penis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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