i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
