Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My life is pants optional.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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