blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
