Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
