I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize