the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
