It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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