my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
