We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
