just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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