His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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