dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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