make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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