I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
