Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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