remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
