ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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