There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
