Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
