what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You were trust falling into bushes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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