So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drake has all the answers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dick very happy bro
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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