He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
