i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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