Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
