she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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