did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
