He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
