Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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