I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize