i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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