just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
