I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
