he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
