just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
