What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
