mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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