u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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