I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
