In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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