I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
