dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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