so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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