Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
there is glitter all over my balls
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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