You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
