It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
